The first post says it all Shalom, This is the home of the Pittsfield Jew. Sure its neat to read about Jews in Brooklyn who are very observant but how about a not so observant Jew who lives in the Mid West?

Monday, January 26, 2009

Drinking Coffee

Jonny is just sitting here in Hotel California drinking coffee. Perhaps he will go upstairs and see Rob. He tries to check in with his boss at least once a week. Soon he will be mobi ...phone...Angelina.. She wants Jonny to check for sub jobs for her. It is on a website. He installed a software that refreshes your screen on an interval. It is really neat. The website should refresh on its own but this as an addon that can be installed to any browser session. Last night Jonny and Angelina watched Cold Case. Then they saw the teaser for a cool show called Hallmark's hall of fame movie of the week: it was a Jewish related comic romance. But they didn't get to see it. Jonny read some reviews of the movie and they gave away the whole story. It is about an implementation of the Leverite marriage custom. Soon Jonny will be moving to the 2nd floor of the hospital so he can visit with Rob every day. He will have his own office. Over the weekend Alberta had a phenomenal soccer game. She was goalie for the whole game. 50 shots on goal and her team won 2-0. Jesse's team played up a grade and reportedly lost 12-0. He was goal for a while. Angelina went to that game. Divide and conquer the kids. Lorraine had to skip Sunday school for homework reasons. It is so cold in Michigan. Alberta walked anyway. Jonny is now on page 100 of MWAF.

Time to introduce some new characters. Leslie Cook is the librarian. David L Crowley is the husband. Michael Cassidy and David Byrd are the kids. One of them is the same age as Lorraine and is in her Sunday school class. Both kids go to a private school but not the Hebrew Day School. Zsa Zsa Gabor's daughter is Lisa Haley. She goes to the Hebrew Day School and is the same as Lorraine. Her older brother is the same age as Alberta and his name is Patrick Cranshaw. Leslie, David L, Michael, David Byrd, Lisa and Patrick were all at the Bat Mitzvah 2 weeks ago at Weber's. Zsa Zsa and her husband went to an event and had extra UM hockey tickets they couldn't use, 4 tickets. David L and his family has 3 tickets too. David L went alone. Jonny didn't recognize him. Alberta, Jonny, Lisa and Patrick went together. Angelina dropped them off. David L said hi to Lisa, but then later he said hi to Jonny and they talked a while. It was not really a date for Patrick and Angelina. But Patrick seemed nervous and played the good host. Jonny said the hockey game was like the Rocky Horror picture show, with all the scripted cheers.

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Friday, January 23, 2009


Today Jonny is still working on this form medical data tracking. He is listening to the 7th aliyah (last or second to last) in the varea parsh. Yep the 8th is coming on now for 54 seconds. Last night was another disaster. Jonny had to put the kids to bed. Lucy the dog peed on the rug. Jesse wouldn't go to bed until after 9 PM. And during his bath he had 3 oranges. In the middle of the night he peed in his bed (bottom bunk). Then he and Jonny went and slept on the top bunk. Angelina slept alone. Jonny stayed up too late and this lack of sleep was piled on top of that. In the morning he made his lunch. Yesterday he made his lunch the night before and forgot to put the meat in the sandwich. So he went through the ritual of having the cheese followed by an apple. And then found out the sandwich was just lettuce. No turkey was packed in his lunch box. Today he had kinda late lunch. He wanted to show Dabney how this new form was gonna work since he would be the one filling it out. Dabney said it looked really easy to fill out. But he wanted Penny to know about it first. Jonny is scared to death to talk to her about it. To delay this he will do other things. For example try the form out in development VASE first. This is because it will be a link at the bottom of some production forms too. This weekend is gonna be majorly busy. Soccer, basketball.


Thursday, January 22, 2009

creating forms

Today Jonny is working in VASE creating a new form. This will help track data for the hideous clinical audit. He is on page 63 of the Man Without A Face. He is very close to putting it down. What saves him is that he finished the movie last night. Last night Jonny watched the movie A Star Is Born. So now he needs to hit Amazon to check out the reviews. In a few short minutes he is going to catch the number 5 bus home. There are the usual chores at home. This would include some more glazing of the slate floor. Angelina said the appraisal guy had his game face on and she is predicting nothing at this point. OK she is negative and is predicting it won't appraise high enough. Jonny was looking at Zillow for a while. The trend is a peak in 2005 and for some strange reason after a long free fall drop a climb upwards peaking again in December of 2008. Darn they could've refinanced in December. Now the prices are drop, drop, dropping. The garden informed Jonny that the older lady down the street has died. But they will still be able to mow her grass in the spring until the house sells. This is looking like the third house that might go up on the market this Spring on Q street. At this point in time there are no houses for sale.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009


This week's parsha is Va'eira. All that Jonny got out of the Torah gems was that there is a unique pronunciation of the silent letter aleph and ayin. Not sure how it is possible for a silent letter to have a unique pronunciation. The main plot is the start of the plagues. Jonny might have to listen to it again.

Boring work paragraph follows:

Today Angelina has the appraisal scheduled. It is still cold here. Angelina was working again today. Yesterday was crazy with all those meetings. Jonny's workload has been extremely light. Lea is on vacation and left no work to do. Penny needs no help. Dolly had a little modification to a label report. It was apparently done wrong back in September. There is a thing called an id and another thing called a universal id. The report was modified to remove the age of the patient. These are stickers with a patient's name as reminders each day. But if the patient is 64 on treatment day 3 and 65 on treatment day 17 then they are confused that the labels still say 64 as the beatles song would you still love me when I'm 64. Since all the labels would get printed when the patient was younger it was best to just remove that field. Somehow the universal id got removed. And no one noticed it. See here at ACHO (Ann Arbor California Hotel) the universal id and the id are always the same. ACHO has a very centrist view. They also treat radiation at 6 other locations in the state of Michigan and those other places have their own id's plus the universal id. Since the record and verify software is being upgraded it got noticed that the Lansing site had the wrong version of the report.

Jonny is having trouble getting into Man Without a Face. He is up to page 45. Monday night he did some floor sealing. Last night he started watching a romantic movie alone. Angelina was upstairs getting ready for bed and watching real estate reality shows. He taped the inauguration for her on ABC from 9:30 to 5PM with Lorraine's help. But no one watched it or will. She so many highlight footage during the day that she has seen enough. Sunday night Cold Case was recorded and the couple will watch that before the next Sunday. Jonny finished his SNL episode. Somehow the Sunday SNL special didn't get taped. And in case there is dying curiosity, Jonny has started watching the DVD in his collection next, A Star is Born. This is another digiview production. And it is a black and white oldy.

This morning Jonny was late for work. The working wife couldn't be responsible for getting the kids to school. Jesse was slow moving and therefore Jonny was unable to drop Jesse and Lorraine off at 8:30 at Ernie and Amy's house. They arrived at 8:35 and they were gone already. He drove down Lincoln and parked his car there and walked the kids to the school gates. Luckily he drove to Fair Oakes and parked his car and caught the 8:50. Angelina called and Jonny forgot to put his school books in his bag. She kindly went over to his car and put them into the car.


Monday, January 19, 2009

Meeting at the Bee Hive

Today is a meeting at the bee hive. Rob Schneider gave Lea Thompson permission to skip it. But no such permission was extended to Jonny Lee Miller.

Jonny has been reading. Today he read Chapter 22 of Jeremiah. It continues with the King of Judah. He is also reading a new book. This was picked out by Lorraine some time last week. The book despite her comments is truly dry and non-fiction. Lorraine said "Dad I hope you're not to scared to read The man without a Face." Little did she know it was an autobiography by a less than humble communist spy leader. This is similar to the fictional weird book Jonny read a while back called Double Agent, Triple Cross. That book contained cynicism about the state of spying. This book contains too much bragging. It also contains history, which is informative, to someone like Jonny who forgot what little he learned about communism in the 80's. This was a time period when he was more concerned with the latest Simpson's episode and swapping stories at work about what hot babes appeared on Married with Children. Jonny is up to page 13.

On Sunday he went to Minyan by himself. Alberta was having a fit and refused to attend. They didn't need him, he was 5 minutes late and he stayed anyway. The dual service was over before 5:30.

In attendance at the Bat Mitzvah were: Alberta Watson, Lorraine Bracco, Angelina Jolie, Jesse Bradford, Jonny Lee Miller, Bob Sessions, Kevin Connolly, Sam Douglass, Max Ligosh (the dad), Anna Marie Zola (the Bat Miztvah girl). Zsa Zsa Gabor's son was invited but not his mother. The party was last night at Weber's Inn and she picked up her son and Jonny's daughter at midnight last night. Then Jonny, Alberta and Angelina got into a fight about the TV and the computer. So per Angelina's direction, it was all unplugged. Too bad too, Jonny was watching SNL from Saturday night.

On tonight's agenda is more sealing the floor. Jonny was unable to do any stretching last night. Over the weekend Jonny put up one of the new storm windows on Lorraine's room with Jesse's help. Then he took Jesse to a birthday party. Amy was there and her dad Ernie agreed to drive Jesse home. Jonny then took a nap. Alberta, Lorraine and Angelina went shopping for last night's Bat Mitzvah. Then they got into a fight.

The librarian was there and so was her husband and two kids. He bought Jesse a drink too. He came back to the table and she said where's my drink. So he gave her his drink, a warm whiskey in a large glass. She said I don't want it. Jonny said I do. Jonny said that the secret to getting drinks is to sit by the pretty girls because everyone buys them drinks. Angelina said there was an open bar. There wasn't.

Also this weekend Alberta had a soccer game. Jonny took a nap right before it started and missed none of it. They got there about 30 minutes early. It was only 14 degrees outside but he kept the engine running. Alberta's team lost 2-0. She was goalie for first half. Jesse was goalie in his game. The score was tied 3-3.

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Friday, January 16, 2009

A mad house

Back home with Angelina it is a mad house. There is no school today. Lea sent an email hold on. She wanted some clarification on Jonny's credit billing program. Penny is behind Jonny talking on the phone. It is so annoying. Jonny finished his book at 373 pages. He still needs to check Amazon to see how the rest of the people enjoyed Death in a Strange Country. He put the book in the waiting room. Hold on let's see if it got taken. No one took it. The lady in the waiting room said that was nice that he puts those books in there. Right now Angelina is home with 5 kids. Annabella and Lorraine are playing together. Alberta is home too. Ernie dropped Amy off for Jesse to have to hang out with. Jonny's windows are in now. But it is -3 outside and one storm window needs to go up on the second floor. Jonny just finished listening to the parsha chanting. Lea email again. OK the program will get when it gets done. Reebok and Nortel are laying off people. Yesterday Jonny heard the Torah Gems first half again and the second half for the first time. He has a really bad back ache. It made his insides hurt. Now the pain has crept down the side of his leg. He isn't sure if it was from stretching too much, fights with Angelina about Kristina or sitting in traffic. This weeks parsha is called Shemot. This means names. The parsha covers grass roots. Also there is a fasting holiday period called Shevouum. The Jews were in there for 210 years. They started with 70 and increased to 600,000 aged 20-40 year old men. They had sextuplets. Moshe's reputation before the liberaton "he was a fighter for justing". There is a vertical line in the Torah separating Moshe's name when he is called by Hashem, as in Moshe | Moshe. A lot happens with the midwives in this parsha.

Yesterday Jonny and Angelina had a good meeting with their "banker". Right now it all rests apon the appraisal. As it stands houses are still going down in value. Jonny's house was sold to him for $250 but was appraised at $290. It has gone "down" in value. But major improvements have been made since then. So if it appraises for anywhere near what it appraised for at the time of sale then it has technically gone up in value and therefore so has Angelina's equity. She can reduce the payments b one or two hundred. And get this the city is going to increase the taxes because the house has gone "up"? Maybe the title of this post aught to be up or down in value?

This weekend is going to be instense. There is a Bat Mitzvah, and a party for it on Sunday night at 8 PM. There is a UM basketball game, Alberta's basketball game, Jesse and Alberta's soccer games at Wide World.

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Wednesday, January 14, 2009


Jonny is here in Hotel California. It was something like 8 degrees below zero in Ann Arbor. Last night was steam cleaning. Lucy the dog had left a mess on the area rug. Then te steam cleaner broke. So Jonny was cleaning the rug snow white/cinderalla style, on his hands and knees with the scrub brush taken out of the the steam cleaner and dipping it into a bucket. The rug is soaked. Angelina says it doesn't smell, but she hates the smell of the candles. She is the one who keeps buying them. This green sparkle candle is really problematic. Jonny put it into a microwave and then yanked it out. The sparkles don't mix well with microwaves. Apparently the sparkles on the inside of the glass weren't ever intended to get burnt. Last night after bestowing apon the students the virtues of calling help desks, Angelina wants Jonny to spend his night calling the Bissell help desk about the steam cleaner. Alberta made a mess in the kitchen. She accidentally dropped a dish towel onto the grating of the new gas stove. This broke it in. It left a permanent dye stain the color of blue, red, green and other colors on a perfectly new porcelian like greyish metal stove grating.

Boring work paragraph below.

Penny is completely ignoring Jonny. Jonny finished a major section of his credits program for Lea. The program has blossomed from 1316 lines to 1575 lines. One more section is needed that will add maybe 50 more lines. This is to email some people. The program is going to clean up a few records the first time it runs on the sybase database so no need to inform those people that a credit was sent. Besides, Lea never said what to put in the email. Besides putting in the registration number and billing code, Jonny is at a loss for the guidance from his mentor as to what to do. Like yesterday in his hazy slumber he sent the same 365 charges records in one file two times. So today he sent a credit for those records. This is not to be confused with the new credits program that looks in the credits table for other credits.

Jonny just came back from talking with Dabney Coleman the clerk here. He said it is great that Penny doesn't talk to you. His officemate a totally hot nurse who has that cool jet black Egyptian like hair, said she saw Jonny, and Jesse walking back from the sledding hill. Jonny went with Annabelle, Lorraine and Jesse. After two hours he left at 4 PM so he and his son could leave. Hopefully Lyman was able to pick them up. As it turns out he did pick up his daughter and friend after another hour of sledding. Angelina commented that all their boots weren't water proof, just of the four of them Jonny, Annabelle, Lorraine and Jesse, only Jonny complained.

Jonny's two new storm windows are in and Angelina went to pay and pick them up today.


Tuesday, January 13, 2009


Back at Hotel California, who knows what Penny is thinking. She certainly isn't talking to Jonny. Jonny is here in Hollywood with Lea. She was very critical of his programs as well. In the meantime Jonny took a break and watched a presentation that was given over in Hotel California on the web live. He was able to watch it via adobe connect. Yesterday was Monday. Jonny was in a real bad mood and jumped onto some blogs and left mean comments. This is called lashing out. Today the plot thickens as Jonny approaches page 311 of Death in a Strange Country. Jonny feels he performed a good service by typing up a book review of Zipporah Wife of Moses. This was well received by the librarian. Jonny picked up Lorraine. She accused him of flirting with the librarian, whos Israeli husband was there too. This guy might be 60 something but he could still knock someone out. The looks buff and tough. The son was there as well. The husband was nice and helped retrieve the word document from Jonny's Iron Key onto the mac laptop their family brought to the temple for their volunteer work. Jonny didn't have anytime last night to do much of anything. He did help Lorraine on the computer. She is starting a sewing company with 3 other 5th graders. No dreams for Jonny last night clean or otherwise. Jesse arrived in the middle of the night. Angelina sent him away screaming. The temperature is dropping rapidly in Michigan. Jonny still unable to connect with his brother by cell phone. Perhaps tonight some work will get done, for example more glazing of the slate floor in the kitchen. Last night Lucy the dog had a small accident on the _fill in the blank_ the words escape Jonny now. Is it perhaps area rug? Is was a good excuse to light some candles. Today Jonny was listening to Torah gems. This week's parsha is about Shemot. It also closely resembles the book he just read. There is mention of Moses being the king of Ethiopia oh gosh spelling is going too. Better not try and spell any cities from Ohio. At least the name of the state is easy to spell just like Iowa. Angelina called while Jonny was watching/dreaming through the presentation. But now she doesn't pick up. So now he must go back to Lea's credit program.


Monday, January 12, 2009

All quiet

For some strange reason it is very quiet here in Jonny's office of the Hotel California. Jonny apologizes for his lack of paragraphs and his tangental topics. A new tag was added today. This is for movies. Jonny saw a movie from his vast DVD collection. The movie viewing was spreadout over two sittings. He watched the first half of Angel and the Badman Saturday night and the second half last night. It was good. The plan is to go in order. Jonny has all the DVD's he own alphabetized. Most of them he hasn't watched. He also thought it would be interesting to check if it was available on TV. The movie is available on TV. But the movie isn't available for DVR. Of course it could be taped with a VCR. Speaking of VCR's. Jonny has one more VHS left in his not yet watched pile. This was given to him by Angelina's mother. We aren't quite sure what her name is yet. Hold on time for a 4 oclock fruit break. Ah now where was the story.
This morning Alberta was taking a long hot shower. And thus Angelina didn't get a long hot shower. Later Angelina was complaining some more about the organizational system of the Ann Arbor Public School system for substitute teaching. Now that Angelina has taken Alberta to physical therapy today she is refreshed with new complaints. "Alberta is miserable. She eat too many granola bars." Also Angelina says the house is too cold. In addition Jesse won't get up. For some strange reason he gets up at 6AM on weekends. There was no time for minyan this weekend. This was because the family went to Mongolian Barbeque to celebrate Angelina's birthday which occurs in this month. So does Kristina. It was a divine sign from heaven that Jonny should marry Angelina. For some weird reason he asked her in the first third questions what her birthday is. Then he volunteered same as my mother. The meal was good. So was the meal at Ruby Tuesday's on Wednesday night in Cincinnati. Jonny will never figure out how to spell that city's name. Since Jonny's hand are sticky from fruit he is gonna wrap this up. Plus he totally lost his train of thought. He is on page 279 of Death in a Strange Country. He is seriously considering taking up the librarian's offer to write book reviews for the congregation library. He wrote one just now and saved it in word format to his Iron Key. He used the 4 sentence formula he was forced to use in 8th grade. Four sentences which include: the plot, characters, setting, author, title and if you like the book. Over the weekend Jonny did more of the glazing of the slate kitchen floor. It would seem he would be more motivated to work today. And not to nap, internet surf or blog. But this would be because of the economy and his dream. He dreamt he was visiting his old neighbor, the one who built his own house and learned to hook up ac because he was bored. This guy spent 12 hours a day working on a business plan. Jonny put the plot together in his dream and figured out the guy had been layed off and that was why he had 12 hours to spare for some financial research. Jonny's dreams always seem to have numbers in them.

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Tuesday, January 06, 2009

A late lunch

Jonny spent the day dealing with missing date of birth issues. He got bored by looking at the Ancestry.com website ads. So he played around over there. Eventually he ate a late lunch. 2PM is when he usually blogs. He drifted in and out of consciousness again today. Angelina had a lot of fun subbing. Too much. The secretary never showed up and Angelina was there from 7:30 AM to around 1 PM. She had a massive headache from lack of eating. No one was courteous enough to notify her. Speaking of notifying. Angelina has been in contact with the Rabbi about Lorraine's upcoming (2011) Bat Mitzvah. As it turns out the congregation was just about to send out notices about the dates, they assigned. Angelina said any date but Labor Day. She hates UM move in day and UM football Saturdays. The town gets royally screwed over. It is crawling with people and is not her idea of the best time for out of town guests. As a matter of fact all people should stay away that day. Jonny returned the book to the congregation library and talked with the Librarian and Rabbi while waiting for Lorraine. Alberta was sick and didn't go to afternoon Hebrew School. The new Librarian has an Israeli born husband and has a different perspective on life than Angelina and Jonny. Jonny is up to page 41 of Death in a Strange Country There was a tostado football game last night. Does that make you hungry? for chips tostados? For some reason the living room smells like dog pee. Jonny has been working on the new semester. It starts in a week. Also tomorrow is the big day, Ohio bound. This morning Jonny dropped off Jesse and Lorraine at Ernie and Amy's house. Ernie bought the house off Jonny and Angelina's friends that moved to Israel, Michael and Janeane. Ernie says they moved in as average Jews and moved out as devout Jews. They took on new names that weren't on the original deeds. Ernie says he is what is called a Mid-Western Jew now. He used to be a East Coast Jew

Monday, January 05, 2009

Write quickly

Jonny will have to make this post quickly. It looks more and more like Penny is in a really bad mood. She keeps the door closed and hardly ever talks to Jonny. He finished a book over the weekend. The book was written by Marek Halter and was 278 pages. No maps. This week's Torah portion, Jonny was listening to. It was Torah Gems, Vayechi. The guy is so cliche. He talks about Goshen the Jewish ghetto. Also this is a Hazak parsha. This is because it is the last parsha in the book of bereshit. So we say hazak at the end to signify from strength to the next sefer. Cliche man calls Yosef the viceroy of Egypt. The viceroy gets a double portion of Yacov's inheritance. Not much was said about Yacov having two names. The book of Joshua comes from Effraim. Jonny was caught sleeping in his office today too. There were 13 tribes but the Levi's don't count. Jacob puts his right hand on the younger of his two grandsons. Which means that he is supposed to be blessing via his right hand the stronger hand the older child. Also Jonny read chapter 21 of Jeremiah. It is about Zedekiah King of Judah. Angelina called to voice her complaints for the day. She is complaining about reading to the class for Jesse's class. Alberta's school called and Alberta was ill. Angelina had to run and pick her up. Jonny has started a new book he let Lorraine pick it out. He is on chapter 2 of Death in a Strange Country A Commissario Guido Brunetti Mystery by the International Bestselling Author of Acqua Alta and Uniform Justice. It is an American who is found floating in a canal in Venice. He had a US quarter in his pocket. The book is written by Donna Leon. Jonny is up to page 24. Angelina lined up a secretary subbing job for tomorrow. Below is the easy way out, an email to Jonny's Mom. He only had time to talk to her for 5 minutes over the weekend.

Dear Mom,

Jesse was busy playing with his Perler beads. Alberta and I went to a UM basketball game and we saw our neighbors there. They are a nice family with a child in Jesse's class and a baby. Angelina was surprised that they would take all four of them to the game. It was in walking distance. UM won too. Lorraine and Jesse aren't coming with us to Cincinnati. Angelina is gearing up for the trip there this week. She is filling out paper work and packing our bags. We get reimbursed for mileage so that will pay for some of the food and lodging. I finished Zipporah, wife of Moses. I usually let Lorraine pick out my books. I have so many of them. She has chosen Death in a Strange Country. It has a neat map of Venice. They are so many canals in the city of Venice. I have been painting for the past two weeks. I also started sealing the slate floor in the kitchen. Angelina bought a product a long time ago to finish off the slate in the kitchen. I am enjoying this one last week with no students.


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Friday, January 02, 2009

Big Ten Football

Jonny doesn't know a whole lot about sports. Penn State lost last night in their bowl game. They are the 11 in the Big Ten. Later this week, Jonny and Alberta will be going to a UM basketball game. According to Angelina, she doesn't deserve it. According to Angelina, Alberta deserves nothing. Jonny read chapter 20 of Jeremiah today. It discussed Pashursan of Immer. Back to painting the bathroom this weekend. Jonny is up to page 225 of Zipporah, Wife of Moses a novel This book is almost done. And the excitement mounts. Alberta read it already. She also watched all Jonny's scrubs episodes. Just when it seems Angelina who has a stiff neck today has a heart of stone she fools you. She has taken in under her wing two far flung jews. They are introducing two new characters Ernie Lively and Amy Golden. Amy is in Jesse's class. Ernie lives by himself and walks with Angelina in the morning or they meet up at the elementary school. She invited Ernie for Rosh Hashana the Jewish New Year. He also went with the family to a Yom Kippur service, utilizing an extra ticket. They gave a ticket for Alberta since she had her Bat Mitzvah this year. Ernie's wife if you can call her that is a Jew, daughter of another Jew who were both raised as devout Catholics. Now this immature woman has all but abandoned her husband of 9 years and daughter. They were over at the small New Year's Eve celebration. They stayed until 1 AM. Jonny and Ernie drank some of Jonny's new bottle of Smirnoff. Click FM internet radio is playing stand up comics. What a great way to learn Hebrew. If you want to get the joke. Today Jonny was unprepared. He forgot his chapstick. He also is tired and about 45 minutes late for work. He couldn't check his school email either. Some kind of complication.
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