Long Tom cont

Wow that was work. Gotta go help S watch TV. Trick was paste into Word and double space, then it appears single spaced here. Don't mess with us computer programmers.

From M G
To: Tom ; Pittsfield Jew
Cc:

Subject: RE: From the Alafair Burke Web Site
Sent: 7/8/2005 1:07 PM
Importance: Normal
This is hysterical. You should start a website detailing the adventures of Tom Manly, Pittsfield Jew and the all powerful SUPER COUPON BOOK of wonder.

:)



-----Original Message-----
From: Tom
Sent: Friday, July 08, 2005 1:01 PM
To: M G
Subject: FW: From the Alafair Burke Web Site





-----Original Message-----
From: Tom
Sent: Friday, July 08, 2005 12:55 PM
To: 'Alafair Burke'
Subject: RE: From the Alafair Burke Web Site



Alafair,

I sense you have detected that I have an ulterior motive. That's very, very perceptive of you. You see, I'm trying to influence you into writing a new series of thrillers, and, of course, I'm here to help out. That's me: I'm a helper. I figure it's a win-win situation for both of us, so here's what I have so far:

Open with Rusty, the arch-villian. Rusty happens to be a terrier, and cute as all get-out, but just suspend any species-ism you may have for a moment and you'll be so totally hooked. Rusty is very naughty indeed. My brother in-law would even say Rusty is evil, but my brother in-law is an ass. Rusty terrorizes the world by pissing and shitting just about anywhere. He also barks. Don't laugh: he really barks like really loud. He has to be kept in a segregation unit in the basement, away from anything absorbent and near the floor drain. I know you're thinking this is just such a total rip-off of the whole Hannibal Lecter thing. It's unfortunate, but I figure since you're a real writer AND a lawyer you'll figure out a slick way of smoothing this thing over.

Okay... wait for it...

Rusty has escaped!!! On a routine trip to the exercise yard he slyly notices that someone (could it be his henchman Evan???) has left the gate open! When the guards aren't looking Rusty bolts to freedom! The normally bucolic neighborhood is suddenly thrust into fear and chaos!

Time for the hero to make his appearance.

Tom Manly is a super-smart investigator. He lives in a cubicle and solves crimes through unpredictable smart-ass verbal exploits! His Jewish sidekick Pittsfield Jew keeps him out of trouble by knowing like everything about E-Bay. Pittsfield Jew also carries a giant super-coupon-book that has gotten them out of a lot of scrapes!

Tom and Pittsfield Jew arrive at the crime scene and close the damn gate. Then they make a plan to question the neighbors. A lot of these neighbors a kind of older and a bit cranky, so Tom and Pittsfield Jew prepare themselves for the ordeal by splitting a 12-pack of Molson Ice. This builds a near-unbreachable wall around their emotions and makes them way talkative.

They talk with a few people, actually freaking them out a little bit. The citizens are already very jittery with Rusty on the loose, and they don't realize that Tom and Pittsfield Jew are just trying to help!

Just when things can't get any blacker, another crisis erupts with a savagery that will nail readers to their barca-loungers: Tom and Pittsfield Jew are getting like really hungry!!! And they don't have a lot of cash! And their wives are on the purse strings like truck drivers on gravy!

This next part may be a little strong for most people. The book will definitely have a warning label prohibiting weak-constitutioned people from reading. You see, OUT COMES Pittsfield Jew'S SUPER-COUPON-BOOK. Did you see how I foreshadowed that way back in chapter 2? Do I have it going on or what?

Pittsfield Jew has a coupon for Steak and Shake, and they're only like 6 miles from Steak and Shake! This mind-blowing plot twist will propel the novel to it's heart-pounding conclusion!

Alright, that's all I have right now...

:-)

Tom



-----Original Message-----
From: Alafair Burke
Sent: Friday, July 08, 2005 10:46 AM
To: tom
Subject: RE: From the Alafair Burke Web Site



Dad's cool, but not cool as I am :-)

Thanks, really, for the invitation, but I'm afraid it can't happen this
year. I never know what's harder work - the three weeks on the road, or the
two weeks leading up to them. Bills to pay, books to write, yada yada yada.
So...no more travels for me this summer. Thanks again, though. Your
family sounds just wonderful. I love the idea of a wife who would find a
way to kill repeatedly!

Alafair

>From: Tom
>To: 'Alafair Burke'
>Subject: RE: From the Alafair Burke Web Site
>Date: Fri, 8 Jul 2005 09:50:42 -0400
>
>Alafair,
>
>Aww, you should at least come for the Art Fair. You'd be right down the
>street from the law school so you could browbeat, errr wow them into hiring
>you. Their gain.
>
>You could even stay with us. I mean it. Surely you get hit on by loads of
>guys, but you'd be totally safe at our place. My wife's just the sweetest
>little thing, but if I were even considering contemplating thinking about
>viewing you as even slightly attractive, she would kill me. Then she would
>have me revived and kill me again. And that would just be for starters. She
>only weighs about a hundred or so pounds, but how much does a badger weigh?
>I wouldn't cross a badger either.
>
>Our boys are real nice. The 14-year-old is a wrestling champ, but you
>likely
>woudn't see him because of the damn computer game. The 5-year-old is a real
>pistol -- just don't get him started talking about robots, or that'd be you
>entire visit! :-)
>
>Oh, bring your dad! he seems cool as hell.
>
>Regards,
>
>Tom
>
>-----Original Message-----
>From: Alafair Burke
>Sent: Thursday, July 07, 2005 5:18 PM
>To: tom
>Subject: RE: From the Alafair Burke Web Site
>
>
>What I really need to do is trick (I mean, convince) the U of Mich law
>school into hiring me so I can be in Ann Arbor all year round.
>
>And the W reference has forever ruined my pilot fantasies.
>
>Thanks for wanting me to go to Ann Arbor, though. I mean it.
>
>Alafair
>
> >From: Tom
> >To: 'Alafair Burke'
> >Subject: RE: From the Alafair Burke Web Site
> >Date: Thu, 7 Jul 2005 17:11:21 -0400
> >
> >Two more words: Art Fair. Or try these out: July 20-23. It's 198.30 miles
> >North of Dayton and it rocks.
> >
> >I'm not sure I'm tracking here -- you're diggin' the flight suit thing?
>We
> >could have some brought in, if that's what it takes...
> >
> >I will bug the STORE owners about this. There are a whole lot of them, so
> >it
> >could take quite a while to coerce, I mean influence, all of them. I'm on
> >it.
> >
> >Remember: George W. was a pilot. Enough said.
> >
> >:-)
> >
> >-----Original Message-----
> >From: Alafair Burke
> >Sent: Thursday, July 07, 2005 5:01 PM
> >To: tom
> >Subject: RE: From the Alafair Burke Web Site
> >
> >
> >Two words, man. Pi-lots.
> >
> >Seriously, I don't know what the deal is. I go where they send me, and I
> >think they send me to the STORES whose owners ask them. So tell a store
> >near you, please - I'd much rather be in Ann Arbor in the summer
> >than...towns that shall remain nameless.
> >
> >xoA
> > >From:
> > >Reply-To: tom
> > >To:
> > >Subject: From the Alafair Burke Web Site
> > >Date: 07 Jul 2005 16:47:21 -0400
> > >
> >
> >***************************************************************************
> >****
> > >Name: Tom
> > >Email: tom
> > >Date: 07 Jul 2005
> > >Time: 16:47:16
> > >
> > >Comments:
> > >
> > >Hi Alafair,
> > >
> > >I sent this to the info address, but wasn't sure you'd get it. It's of
> > >CRUCIAL importance, so I'm including it here. TD.
> > >
> > >==================================
> > >
> > >Alafair,
> > >
> > >I don't know why you're going to Dayton. People there do NOT read, at
> >all.
> > >There are no bookstores or libraries anywhere nearby. People in Dayton
> >just
> >
> > >hang out at the Air Force museum (which is actually kind of cool) all
> >day,
> > >except on Soapbox Derby day. The food there is horrible because nobody
> >has
> > >a cookbook. Even if they did, no one could read it anyway. They
>consider
> > >authors to be witches and they smell funny.
> > >
> > >Now ANN ARBOR, on the other hand, is the reading capital of the entire
> > >world. There is a bookstore or library on every corner, and they're so
> >busy
> >
> > >you have to make a reservation. Amazon.com had to build a mammoth
> >warehouse
> >
> > >here so they could keep up will all the book sales. Authors are treated
> > >like gods and get all kinds of cool free stuff. Kids learn to read at
> >about
> >
> > >6 months of age and get a whole raft of hardcover thrillers every
> >birthday
> > >and holiday. Nearly everyone who is cool lives here.
> > >
> > >Please change your tour schedule to replace Dayton with Ann Arbor.
> >Believe
> > >me, Dayton won't even know.
> > >
> > >Sincerely,
> > >
> > >Tom in Ann Arbor.
> > >
> > >
> >
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